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Friday, November 2, 2012

Blackheart: Lingerie for the Hot Topic Mall Rat

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Nov 2, 2012 at 9:58 AM

Those who know me know I love me some Hot Topic in the mall! (I also love Hot Dog on a Stick in the mall—because they have the most awesome uniforms... but that's another story.) Well, now besides having a place to pick up a Justin Bieber t-shirt which is right beside the Megadeth t-shirts, along with any nose posts or Emily Strange paraphernalia you may need, Hot Topic is breaking into the GOTH GAL LINGERIE business—because... because... well, because Victoria's "secret" is really that's she's a goddamn prissy-pot, and needs more black lipstick!!

Called "Blackheart," the line follows the Victoria's Secret model of putting tons of patterns on skimpy, sheer fabric to barely disguise one's vagina. Here are some examples:

OMIGOD, can you please get your boots off my white couch??
  • Courtesy Hot Topic
  • "OMIGOD, can you please get your boots off my white couch??"

OMG, again with the boots! And are you lying on my cars chamois cloth? Thats gross.
  • Courtesy Hot Topic
  • "OMG, again with the boots! And are you lying on my car's chamois cloth? That's gross."

Sorry, sweetie... not gothy enough for me. Points for the black tarp window dressing, though.
  • Courtesy Hot Topic
  • "Sorry, sweetie... not 'gothy' enough for me. Points for the black tarp window dressing, though."

And here's the hilariannoying commercial for Blackheart, where you kind of feel sorry for the guy on the other end of the phone, because you know she's gonna just end up smashing his terracotta vase collection.

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