Has everybody already seen the "Rite of Spring" workout? I may never listen to the most famous passage in Stravinsky the same way again.

I look like a goddamn pig—and there's no way I'm going to the beach looking like this. That's why I'm subscribing to the hottest new fitness workout in America today, called "Prancercise: A Fitness Workout." Why? Ummmm... because this is how I already walk around town anyway?? Thank you, Joanna Rohrback—and don't miss her final words of advice at the end!

It's peak running season out there (not too cold/dark, not too hot yet), and here I am warming the bench with a stoopid knee injury. But the roster of summer fitness events is about to get started, and are a nice motivator to break out of the cold-weather coma. Here's one just for the ladies: The Dirty Girl mud run is an all-ages, all-female 5k race marked with optional obstacle courses on its route, all of which is covered in lots and lots of mud.

Touring cities all over the country, registration fees to participate go toward the goal of a $500,000 donation to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, and survivors run for free. It hits Portland (well technically Canby) on Saturday June 1, with two waves of runners at 8 am and 4 pm. Don't slip, now.

• The People's Yoga

Seeking an affordable, close-by Yoga studio I landed upon The People’s Yoga. With two locations, one on NE Killingsworth, and the other in SE Belmont, I was instantly drawn to the measly $8 drop in fee per class. Biking to class this morning just a few blocks up the street from my home in Northeast, I loved the clean, simple space, which filled with the most gorgeous sunlight. After exhausting nearly every introductory package at studios all over the city, I am trying to find somewhere more permanent that feels like home, and although it was only my first class I think People’s Yoga is the new jam for me. The class this morning was of the Hatha Flow variety, and the teacher Renee was graceful and thorough in guiding us through a zen, yet challenging class. Unlike some of the gym-like places I’ve been for yoga class, People’s Yoga caters to all different kinds of clientele, and is ‘less bass in your face’ pumping sweaty yoga, and more mindful movements designed to get your blood flowing. Another added bonus is if you bike to class you’ll receive a punch card that gives you your 10th class free just for biking! Check out the class schedule and all the details on pricing here. Namaste!

StudioX Fitness is celebrating 9 years of being in the fat-burning biz by offering all of it's classes for free starting today and going through Thursday. Whether you want to start getting into shape for summer or need to change up your workout routine, this is the perfect opportunity to check out this establishment, which I have heard can be pretty brutal but yields real results.

• Facebook

• ecdysiaststudio

New Years, ugh! I won’t go all Jenny Craig on you, but I am definitely feeling the repercussions of a holiday season spent partying, staying up way too late, and traveling. I am totes not a “gym” person, so besides the occasional yoga class I don’t have a routine fitness plan. Enter 2013, and my pending birthday. I decided it’s now time to really get serious about not only losing weight, but feeling healthy and more balanced.

If you hate doing millions of crunches and logging hours on the elliptical here are a few fun ways to get that metabolism kickin’:

Jazzercise: Get jazzy! One of my closest friends swears by Jazzercise, saying that she not only sweats bullets, but has a lot of fun doing it. Seeing her re-enact the moves is enough to get me to tag along for a class. Check out the Jazzercise Portland website here to find pricing and the class schedule.

Volleyball, or any rec-league sport: I joined a rec-league vball team last fall and couldn’t be happier. Growing up I played competitive volleyball from the time I was 10 all the way through high school. One of the best parts of joining a rec-league team is meeting new people and getting to play a sport I love. Check out portlandvolleyball.org to find a team. Underdogportland.com also makes it super simple to create or find a team to play on for Football, Softball, Volleyball, Dodgeball, and Kickball, and there are plenty of options for all levels of athletes.

Pole Dancing Class: Although I haven’t yet tried pole dancing, I can tell you after many a visits to Sassy’s I know it would be quite the workout. Enter Ecdysiast A Pole Dance Studio. Your first class is just $20, and you get a full introduction to the exciting and elusive skill of pole dancing. Click here for more deets on how to register! I’m thinking of getting a group of girls together for a fun hour of sweatin’ and shakin’.

• Yelp

I thought I had exhausted all of my “new student specials” at various studios around town, so I was beyond excited to discover Root Whole Body over in my new hood. Located at 2626 NE 15th street, right off Broadway, the space is absolutely gorgeous! Two of my favorite instructors, Nikki Weaver and Shaney Aalbers, whom I took classes from back when I was at Yoga Pearl, are also teachers at Root. Needless to say, I was over the moon to hear this. Add in free tea and a sauna sesh each time you visit and I’m sold. I left my first class at Root feeling mega-zen, refreshed, and ready to take on the day. Nikki has such a calming energy, but her class leaves you nice and sweaty, no doubt about it. If you’re not into yoga, Root also offers massage therapy, facials, acupuncture, and overall wellness (naturopathic, nutrition, and detoxification.) Your first class is free, and Root offers a variety of membership programs, check it out here.

Studio X, the small gym on SE Stark tucked next to the Bonfire, is a place I've revisited intermittently since I first profiled it when it opened in 2009. They have a variety of boot camp-style classes (as well as yoga and Pilates) that feature circuit training heavily (one thing I really like is that they have lots of water breaks built into their programs, which helps save some pain on the sports-massage table), all the instructors are cool, and the space itself is clean and modern.

I've been under a pretty steady grind of stress since about March, segueing from producing a big event (Open Season, if that's not obvious) immediately into the emotional/financial roller coaster of first-time home buying, and I'm getting married in two scant months. Sometimes when I'm stressed out I lose my appetite, but lately it's had the opposite effect, making me crave comfort foods (mostly cheese, which I've been caving on, despite having been non-dairy for the past few years), plus I've been cultivating a disturbing capacity for chardonnay. I've never stopped working out—I run 10-20 miles a week, plus biking and walking a lot—but I need a shot in the arm, especially in the face of mounting pressure to look "my best" at the wedding. It really, really doesn't help that I'm five pounds over what I was six months ago (thanks, CHEESE), which totally pisses me off.

And so, on the suggestion of a friend, I signed up for Studio X's X-Press Boot Camp, reintroducing things like, oh, upper-body exercise to my life, as well as making a so-far valiant attempt at calorie counting, something I've always doubted the accuracy of and shunned as too much hassle.

• Studio X

Continue reading »

• The Movement Center
• The Movement Center: Yes, this building is right behind the Tonic Lounge.

A continuation of a yoga-class sampler series, where I flit about town using my Passport to Prana card ($30 for over two dozen individual yoga classes around town).

I've been wanting to go to the Movement Center (1021 NE 33rd) ever since I first wandered by it in my ramblings. It's a very mysterious-looking building tucked right behind the Tonic Lounge off NE Sandy with a large Jane Eyre-esque brick building, a huge private garden, and a cloistered allure that plays host to visiting swamis and spiritual retreats. After breezing through the gates, I walked through the beautiful spring-blossoming grounds to the side of the building. A receptionist in a light and airy area was there to greet classgoers, and behind her was a large chapel-like room where they hold meditation classes (I didn't get a great look, but I think this is a picture of it). She directed me down a flight of stairs to the changing rooms, prop storage area that had a awesome view of an outdoor walkway to another section of the building, and two yoga studio spaces, which were nice rooms with windows looking out into the surrounding trees. My first impression was that maybe that particular class at the Movement Center didn't get a lot of walk-in yoga students, like I was a bit of an anomaly in the after-work gentle hatha class. The class had about half a dozen mostly older students who seemed to be regulars. And when I say "gentle," I really, really do mean gentle (so gentle the teacher was wearing jeans and I counted three distinct set of snores during the shavasana). But I did feel fantastic afterward, so my body liked it, even if my mind wandered. I'd love to go back to the Movement Center—and I think I will for their $5 community classes—just because I don't think that class was super indicative of their typical yoga experience, in fact, I kept thinking I'd accidentally wandered into a seniors-only class and no one had informed me of my blunder, which made me all the more self-conscious of wearing a Mickey Mouse-emblazoned T-shirt. While I was packing up my stuff to leave, one of the mediation classes was taking place and there was chanting and music pouring out of that chapel space, and a woman walked in carrying a tower of halved coconuts. You can bet your booty I'm going back, just to see more of those sights.

Next week: I clean myself up and put on mascara to go to Yoga Pearl.

Yesterday evening I made the trek out to The Warrior Room in Milwaukie to check out two of the most prevalent workout trends of the times: 1) Kettlebells, those cast-iron handled weights that were introduced in the US from Russia (where they have been common since at least the early 18th century) in the early '00s that have been causing weight loss aficionados' hearts to flutter for their time-efficient, full-body exercise potential:

It's partly due to these circumstances that Jensen's rates are low (eight one-hour sessions: $64, unlimited monthly pass: $96) compared to other workouts with that level of personal attention, though she also feels strongly that people shouldn't neglect their fitness goals out of monetary concern. The class sizes (nine are offered each week, including one class for kids) help foster a tight-knit community. In the yard of the house they've created a community garden, swap healthy recipes, and support each other through monthly challenges and weekly competitions like sticking within daily calorie allotments or completing an additional number of reps of a certain exercise within one week's time.

Continue reading »

The long, weird Portland springtime of on-again, off-again spots of sunshine produces an effect down on the Waterfront that always makes me think of this old I, Anonymous:

Why is it that whenever Portland sees some sunshine, runners come out in droves?... There were seriously tags for athletic apparel strewn on the sidewalks of downtown Portland, as if office workers burst out of their offices at lunchtime, ran into Niketown and changed on the sidewalk—in such haste that they could not be bothered to deposit these tags in a trash can.

It also means that it's the early season for the marathons, triathlons, and other athletic events that will run through the summer on weekends all over town to raise money, give exercisers a goal/charitable sense of purpose as motivation. This weekend, for instance, is the Spring Classic Duathlon, which I would not suggest you try if you're not already in reasonable shape and a regular runner/biker, but should be just fine if you are without any specific training: It's a 5k run followed by a 15-mile bike ride, followed by another 5k run on an almost completely flat course—piece of cake! The route itself will close off most of Marine Drive, and the cost to participate is $65 ($70 if you wait to register until the day of—a bit spendy, but these things all tend to be, and it's a lot less than the Rock 'n' Roll marathon later this month that was going for $115 and counting last time I checked. I don't think there's a charity either, so you know, do it for yourself, the t-shirt, and the bragging rights.). Register and complete info is here. Stretch! Hydrate!

• Root Whole Body

A continuation of a yoga-class sampler series, where I flit about town using my Passport to Prana card ($30 for over two dozen individual yoga classes around town).

I think it's been established that I'm a slacker, right? We all know this truth to be self-evident. Actually, I was on vacay and gone for a bit, but my Yoga Pu-Pu Platter series continues with a wee review of a hatha class at Root Whole Body (2526 NE 15th). The space is lovely and well appointed with glass doors all along the wall of the yoga studio that open when the weather is not trying to drown every citizen of the Pacific Northwest. Root has a nice locker room with showers, towels, and also a co-ed, clothing-mandatory sauna that you're invited to use before or after yoga classes. I've had a massage there in the past and the waiting area is a cozy and delightful little nest beyond the sauna, complete with warmables like tea. To the yoga class: There was a new instructor for the mostly full class on a weekday night, and she was mellow and welcoming. I'm used to hatha classes being a little more laidback and gentle than vinyasa, but in this class we held poses for long stretches, almost like a yin class. It started to get a tad uncomfortable and then the instructor would ease off, transitioning us to new poses. Overall, it felt really good and she came around the room at several points when our eyes were closed to mist us with various spritzes, like we were cats she was trying to train to keep off the kitchen counters. I kid—whatever concoction she was spraying on our faces smelled lovely, although one has to wonder how all those hyper-sensitive-to-perfume people were feeling. I've always been particularly pleased by the various yoga instructors I've encountered at Root, they're challenging and and knowledgeable. It was a 75-minute class that went 15 minutes over, so I was hauling ass to get out of there on time—rushing to stuff my face with my man at Laurelhurst Market (sweet, sweet MercPerk)—so I didn't enjoy the sauna, but I've soaked in its splendor before. It's well worth a visit.

Next week: The Movement Center (that bizarre building behind the Tonic Lounge on NE Sandy, where I'm pretty sure they're brainwashing Jane Eyre to learn the way of the yogi). I can't wait for this one! I've been meaning to go there for years!

• Google Maps

A continuation of a yoga-class sampler series, where I flit about town using my Passport to Prana card ($30 for over two dozen individual yoga classes around town).

Totes intended to go to the barre3 location in the Pearl, but the easy walk home from the Southeast spot (2523 SE 22nd) lured me in. Because much like last week, I'm kinda lazy when it comes to Thursdays. I do a boot camp in the morning on Mt. Tabor, so I'm pretty spent by the end of the day and I have a couple intense workouts on Fridays and Saturdays, so I find myself looking for something chillaxing on Thursdays. So I really had NO BUSINESS being at a barre3 class. The local company describes its workouts thusly:

barre3 evolves the dancer's workout by combining the grace of the ballet barre with the wisdom of yoga and the strength of Pilates. barre3 classes are set to an upbeat soundtrack and follow a vigorous pace moving through a sequence of postures designed to shape and lift the entire body.

They neglected to mention how hard it would be in that description. The upbeat instructor set me up with a litany of props (a squishy ball, yoga mat, yoga strap, and small hand weights), cranked up some Adele, and plopped me in front of a vast room-sized mirror. There's nothing worse than staring at your grimacing reflection for an entire hour-long workout. Then for an interminable amount of time we flapped our wings, and stretched our legs to the heavens on ballet bars, while the instructor chirped encouragement into her headset, "Tap, tap, tap, tap those booties. Suck in that stomach. Tap, tap, tap those toes to the ceiling." I had dreams of Little Miss Vicki's tap class. It was a sort of cumulative pain, deceptively easy at first with minimal movements, which became increasingly more difficult. We also did a lot of squishy ball squeezing with our ankles, thighs, and back. My abs are sore today, as are my inner thighs, and my booty's been sufficient tapped (heh). The space itself is quite nice, with a kid corral in front where children are imprisoned in a happy, fun zone, and the studio is large and open, with room-framing ballet bars and elaborate skylights overhead that enabled me to explore the cosmos whilst in a dizzying amount of oblique-crunching pain. I'd recommend it, especially for former dancers, as it's sort of a melange of aerobics, pilates, and ballet. I'd also recommend standing in the back so you don't have to see every sweaty, gross pore on your face in the ginormous mirror while you're grunting along to Madonna.

Next week: Root (because that complementary sauna sounds fan-fucking-tastic).

Not to get all travel diary on you, but I just came back from a trip to Los Angeles, and feel compelled to share with you the cheap thrill that is Richard Simmons' aerobics class:

• Laurel Rose

Continue reading »

• The Bhaktishop

Next up: I head downtown. That is not a euphemism.