1. I’m a single cis gay man and I’ve been going back and forth between wanting an open relationship or a throuple/quad when I start dating again. Do you have any advice or recommendations for finding out more about gay throuple/quad relationship structures? I’ve talked about open relationships and relationship anarchy with my peers and therapist, but no one seems to know a lot about throuples/quads.
There’s not a lot of research into gay throuples and quads — there isn’t that much research into gay couples — but most of the successful gay throuples and quads I’ve observed started out as couples. So, instead of seeking a throuple or a quad, your best bet may be fucking with single men who want an open relationships and fucking with couples — as a single person or once you’re in an open couple— who are open to regular thirds and/or fourths.
 2. Why is it hard to get a relationship partner to confirm you’re in a relationship or define the relationship?
Your partner most likely believes they benefit from your relationship remaining undefined — they feel freed from “relationship-official” obligations — and they sense you aren’t willing to call their bluff. Meaning, they sense you aren’t willing to break up with them if they refuse to define the relationship and embrace the obligations that come with being in a relationship as opposed to a FWB arrangement or a situationship. Basically, you can’t call the question if you aren’t willing to call it off.
 3. My lover is in town for business, but he has an impossible work schedule. The only way I can see him is if I crash one of his work events. I’m tempted, but it probably means I’d just see him for a moment, say hi, and have to leave. How important is it for us to have in-person time? If we haven’t seen each other in months, shouldn’t I make the effort, even if it’s just for a moment together?
Being in the same room with your lover and having to play it cool and not being able to touch them sounds like torture…  while also sounding incredibly hot. So, if you’re sure your lover wants to see you under those circumstances and isn’t just telling you what you wanna hear — if seeing you and not being able to touch you would drive you both wild in a good way and make your next actual meeting even hotter — go see him.
