This is a preview of this weekās Savage Love. The full version is now exclusively available on Danās website savage.love.
From the end of Roe to the assault on democracy to the climate crisis to the war on Ukraine, itās all bad news, all the time, for everyone. But the monkeypox outbreak is an extra little helping of bad news specifically for gay and bi men. (More than 96% of monkeypox cases have been in gay and bisexual men.) Hey, faggots? If you have a rash or feel like you have swollen glands, stay home. And if youāre sexually active or hope to be soon, get the monkeypox vaccine at your earliest opportunity. In the meantime, hereās a column featuring all gay questions to remind us that gay life isnāt just freaking out about ingrown hairs. Sometimes itās freaking out about your husbandās secret daddy and the shit ex-boyfriend...
ā Dan
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I'm a mid 50's gay man, married to a man. We've been together 30 years. We love each other and have built a great life together, but our sex life is so lackluster itās nearly extinct. After years of trying to get my spouse to talk about our likes, wants, needs, and differences, and after years making suggestions about how or what we could do either together or apart to improve our sex life, I finally had enough and began having dalliances here and there. I encouraged him to pursue sexual satisfaction where he likes, but his response is always, āI couldnāt do that.ā
So, whatās the problem? Iāve always been drawn to Daddy/boy scenariosāit plays into my submissive tendenciesāand I recently met a hot Daddy. Weāve been meeting up for six months, weāre both GGG, and the sex is awesome! But my spouse does not know about my relationship with Daddy. I would love for the two to meet, as I think they would enjoy each otherās sense of humor and personality, as they are both wonderful men. Is it possible to introduce them so that the three of us could be friends and maybe ease my spouse into opening things up? My spouse and I are both sub bottoms and my Daddy is a gentle Daddy Dom. Do I bring them together or do I keep these two relationships separate?
Lusting After Daddy
If what youāre seeking from me, LAD, is some way to tell your husband youāve been fucking another man for six months without upsetting him, I canāt help you. Heās most likely going to be upset. Additionally, thereās no way to tell your husband about your recently acquired fuckbuddy without putting your vague DADT agreement at risk.
Now, assuming your husband isnāt an idiot, LAD, he knows youāve been having sex with other men. When you told him to pursue sexual satisfaction elsewhere, he mustāve known you planned to do (or were already doing) the same. But thereās a difference between knowing something because you kindasorta figured, LAD, and knowing something because you were justfucking told. And thereās a difference between having sex with other menāone-offs, one at a timeāand having sex again and again with one man. (Which, during this monkeypox outbreak, is a far safer option for you and your husband than one-offs.) Sexual infidelity is one thing, emotional infidelity is another.
But the odds your husband will leave youāafter 30 yearsāseem slim. And even if heās upset at first, who knows? If heās open to meeting your boyfriend/daddyfriend once his anger dissipates, and if heās attracted to your Daddy Dom and your Daddy Dom is attracted to him, a series of hot threesomes might revive your sexual connection with your husband. Things could also go from not great to truly terribleāyou could wind up getting divorcedābut things arenāt going to get better on the sexual front without a shakeup, LAD, and telling the truth is a pretty good way to shake things up.
All that said, LAD, telling your husband, āI have a boyfriend, Iād like you to meet him, I think you two might click,ā is a big risk and there are no backsies.
Iām a 26-year-old gay man in Arizona. I was with my 38-year-old boyfriend for a year and a half. We were monogamous from the start but when we ālaid our kink cards on the tableā about six months in (Iām a longtime listener and reader), he āconfessedā that he wanted to watch me get fucked by another guy. Or guys, plural. He brought it up literally every time we had sex for a year. Two weeks ago, I got on Grindr (with his okay) to see what was out there. I found a couple and showed him their photos. He was thrilled. We went over to their place, and it felt right, and they both fucked me in front of my boyfriend. My boyfriendāwho jerked off and came while watching me get fuckedāhad a complete meltdown after we left. He called me a bunch of names and accused me of enjoying it too much and broke up with me. I still have my own apartment, thank God, so I took some clothes and left. He says he wants a monogamous relationship now, but not with me because of what happened. I didnāt do anything he didnāt ask me to. Iām heartbroken and filled with regret and canāt stop crying. Was I supposed to fake hating it? Is there any way to salvage this?
Wholly Heartbroken Over Relationship Ending
Thereās no way to salvage this, WHORE, but there are two ways of looking at it...
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